Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
