she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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