Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize