If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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