I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize