We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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