I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
