It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
