I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
