Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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