you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
