This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
