Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
