You just made me feel so damn special
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize