Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
FUCK WHALES
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
