what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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