Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
