John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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