i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
