maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
