Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
home. puking in laundry basket.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
