just tell him i said nine months
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
