I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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