saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
