Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I checked into jail on foursquare
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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