i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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