I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
