so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
