I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize