Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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