Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
