i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
