Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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