He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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