would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
