Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
