He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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