tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
