Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
