No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
