I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
