she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
