3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
