Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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