You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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