I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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