is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
