The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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