Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just google imaged poop.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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