Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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