you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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