Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
