Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
What drink are we having for lunch?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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