your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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