random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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