Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
