i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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