As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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