did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
