i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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