What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
