I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
