ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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