While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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